Author C. L. Crosby, a native of the brothels of Kearns, Utah, tells it all in this irreverent guide to the Beehive State. Here's what you'll find out:

Utah-K or how ta understand what we be sayin: Missionary reunions A gathering where missionaries are introduced into a putatively heterosexual society after two years with a same-sex companion.

Basics on the Beehive State 'n'‚ gettin ta know who we is: That middle finger wave from so many of the residents is their way of signaling their intent to change lanes, cut over four lanes, or beat you to the off-ramp

Guide ta Utah geography: Ya know yer in Utah when: You begin to think smoking might be a right worth protecting. ... The air feels sticky from hairspray.... Coffee is considered a gateway drug. ... Scrap-booking is an extreme sport for women.

Gettin along in Utah, a "how ta" guide: How ta: Get sex in Utah, swear like a Utahn, get out of a DUI, avoid having to send your kids to college, think like a Utahn, dress in drag, avoid homosexual urges, and more!

Field guide to identifying species of Utahns/Utahnas: Learn how to identify the Utah Republican, Democrat, the West Valley Breeder, the Art People, Gay Couples, and the Counterculture Radical.

The Official Utah marriage matrix: whom may marry whom! Passed by the Legislature in 2002, this matrix eases the paperwork at the Mormon Temple by insuring people marry only people who will be on their same level of heaven

Utah Drivers' Exam: And don't even THINK about asking to take it in a language other than English!